(Commonly known as Miscarriage)
As parents who have recently had a miscarriage, or fear
that your pregnancy may be about to end, you may be
quite overwhelmed by the feelings you are experiencing.
The early loss of a pregnancy means not only the loss of
that potential baby/child, but also dreams of parenting
and hopes for the future.
You may be feeling quite alone and that no-one else
understands what is happening to you. We would like to
help by discussing some of the questions most people ask.
What is a miscarriage?
The medical term for a miscarriage is ‘abortion’, which is
usually defined as an interruption of pregnancy before
20 weeks. This does not imply the pregnancy is
unwanted. Medically under 20 weeks, the baby is
known as a fetus
An abortion can present in a variety of ways but usually
there is some bleeding and there may be some cramp
like pain. In some cases the bleeding and pain may
cease and the pregnancy progresses.
However, if the bleeding continues and the pain that
you are experiencing worsens this will be due to the
opening of the neck of the womb (cervix). This may lead
to complete or partial expulsion of the product of your
pregnancy. A curette is often required to clear products
of your pregnancy from the lining of the womb.
Unfortunately, early pregnancy loss occurs much more
frequently than most people believe. Studies have
shown that up to 1 in 5 pregnancies end in early loss.
There are many suggested causes for early pregnancy
loss, such as fetal abnormality, infection, hormone
imbalance but in most cases the cause remains
unknown. It would be very rare indeed for it to be as a
consequence of some action taken by a mother.
You should discuss possible causes with your doctor but
do not be surprised if no cause is evident.
Will I have to go to hospital?
Admission to hospital may or may not be needed,
depending on the management recommended by
your doctor.
In some cases your doctor may recommend a
‘D & C’ (Dilatation and Curettage).
This involves having a general anaesthetic to enable
the removal of any remaining tissue. Generally, you
can expect to be discharged the same day or
next morning.
If your blood group is Rhesus negative, remind your
doctor. You many need an injection of anti-D.
If your pregnancy has passed 16 weeks, you may find
lactation begins (your milk ‘comes in’) within a few
days of leaving hospital. Following discharge from
hospital, if your breasts are causing you discomfort,
please contact your doctor.
How will I feel after my early
pregnancy loss?
No matter what stage of pregnancy, your loss is very
real and you may find yourself overwhelmed by a
confusion of feelings. Some of the feelings most
commonly voiced are - “I feel numb, I can’t believe
this is happening to me.” I feel guilty, it was only
because I did...?”. “ I feel a need to talk to people
about my dead baby, not to have them say ‘it was
only a miscarriage and all for the best’. ”“I feel my
partner doesn’t understand. He hadn’t got used to
my being pregnant.” “My partner is devastated, this
was his first baby.” “ I feel so angry, why didn’t... listen
to me when i said i thought something was wrong?”
“Why did this happen to me?”
Society has not always acknowledged the close bond
which can form between parents and their expected
baby. It can only add to the pain and loss if your grief
and mourning is looked upon as ‘unnecessary’.
What happens to the remains?
Many parents are afraid to ask what will happen to the
remains. If your loss was very early you may have only
passed blood clots and small fragments of tissue. These
will be examined in the laboratory to see if any
abnormality can be found.
If your loss was later in your pregnancy, you may have
delivered a very small yet recognisable fetus.
It is sometimes difficult to confirm the sex of your fetus
until after it has been carefully examined. For this
reason the staff may have been unable to tell you the
sex at the time. Your fetus will be looked at by a
specialist at the earliest opportunity. The results of the
examination will be sent to the doctor who looked
after you during your loss. At your request this report
can also be sent to your G.P.
Dealing with loss and grief
Individuals deal with their loss and grief in different
ways. You may experience feelings of sadness, denial,
guilt and anger as you face your loss and the healing
process begins.
Pregnancy loss at any point my raise deep issues of
meaning - “How can I understand or make sense of
what seems so unjust?”
Our Chaplaincy Department offers a number of
services upon request, including rites for mourning
pregnancy loss and rites for healing. A chaplain is
available at times and your nurse can contact the
chaplain or your own religious representative for you.
Alternatively, Sids and Kids Bereavement Support Services:
Phone (02) 9818-8400 or 1800 651 186
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My partner feels left out.
What can he do?
Your partner may find the events in the hospital very
difficult. He may feel powerless and helpless, while at the
same time experience intense emotions. These can
easily be ignored in his concern for you. It is important
that you both share your grief, talk to each other about
your feelings and needs.
There is a need to understand and respect that each will
grieve differently. Your partner should be included in
discussions with your doctor, hospital staff or counsellors
and given every opportunity to express his own feelings.
Shall we tell the children?
Children cope very well with the truth and will find their
own way of facing their disappointment. If there are
other children at home, be honest with them. Tell them
what has happened and let them share in your grieving.
When can we start
another pregnancy?
There is no magical time to wait before becoming
pregnant again. Most people find they are ready to
welcome a new pregnancy when they have come to
terms with the loss.
Discuss the medical aspects with your doctor. If you feel
the need for emotional support, ask for a referral to a
suitable counsellor or contact-
SIDS Bereavement Support Services:
Phone (02) 9818-8400 or 1800 651 186
I would like some more information
Occasionally after leaving hospital, you may feel
confused or uncertain about what actually happened.
If you feel a need for more information contact your
own doctor or Sids and Kids.
Some helpful books available
Miscarriage - Anne Oakley, Anne McPherson,
Helen Roberts.
When Pregnancy Fails - Susan Bore.
Coping With Grief- Mal McKissock.
Good Grief - Granger Westberg.
Surviving Pregnancy Loss - Rochelle Friedman,
Bonnie Gradstein.
Dr Philippa Ramsay MBBS FRANZCOG DDU COGU
Dr Linda Atkins MBBS FRANZCOG DDU
Dr Joanne Ludlow MBChB FRANZCOG FRCOG DDU
Dr Karen Mizia MBBS BSc FRANZCOG DDU
Dr Indika Alahakoon MBBS FRANZCOG DDU CMFM
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